21 April 2010

Gift registries for kids' birthdays?

Apparently the thing to do for children's birthdays is to register the birthday kid with a store, like a wedding registry, only for books or toys.

Call me a mean parent, but I've never registered my kid at a store for her birthday. (Or maybe call me behind the times: the author of that article says that she got her first registered-birthday invitation some five years ago, yet I've only just heard of the practice.) In fact, I kind of actively discourage birthday gifts from my daughter's little friends, or at least expensive gifts that would be out of my budget to duplicate dollar-for-dollar when my kid gets the inevitable, reciprocal invite to her invitees' birthday parties. Here's what I do. I host my daughter's birthday parties every other year -- trading off with her dad -- and on the invitations I write:
Your presence is your present! Glomarization, Jr., is blessed to have loving friends and family. If you choose to bring a gift, please do not spend more than $10. Thank you!
I think this note does three things. First, I figure it puts the other parents on notice that I'm not going to spend much money at all on their kids when the time comes around. And also, I flatter myself that it contributes at least a little to taking the pressure off everybody in our circle of classmates and pals to escalate gift-giving as the kids get older. Finally, it gives an out to anybody on the guest list whose parent has been laid off, or is in grad school, or couldn't find much left over from their budget this month.

Here's the article author's conclusion on the issue:
Registries teach children that they deserve to get what they want, all the time. To me, registries seem to be just another way to protect our kids from pain or disappointment of any kind, including the traumatic experience of receiving an unwanted copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. In my ideal world, kids need to learn to be grateful and show appreciation for what they receive, whether it's yet another set of Tinker Toys, an itchy pair of pajamas, or a donation to [charity].
I agree with that. One does need to learn how to respond with grace and tact when one receives an unwanted, inappropriate gift. But this perspective focuses only on the birthday kid, not on the guests.

Because more importantly, limiting what the invitees can choose from to buy for a child puts a minimum price point out there that not all of the invitees will necessarily be able to meet. This is inconsiderate; I can't imagine basically requiring that an invitee spend a certain amount of money in order to be admitted to my daughter's birthday party. I mean, is a person legally allowed to walk out of a Toys 'R' Us without having spent $50 or $100? Yes, this is selfishness on my part, since I've been at the lower end of the income spectrum in my kid's circle of friends and classmates for the past few years. But think about it. If all the families you know can afford to spend $25 or more on a birthday gift for a pre-teen or toddler, then either some of them are lying about their income (or are in denial about their credit cards), or you need to check the socioeconomic diversity of your circle of acquaintances.

And for the record, my daughter's never come away from a birthday party that I've hosted, disappointed with the number or type of presents she's received.

2 comments:

Brendan said...

we do a similar thing. presents are OK, but they have to be inexpensive, no more than $10-$15.

Glomarization said...

Happy to hear there's another sane parent out there.

I think the worst birthday party we attended was at Build-A-Bear out in King of Prussia some years ago. Not only did all the kids have to buy a bear that they designed, but then we went to a pizza parlor afterward. WTF? Stuffed bear + "clothes" for the bear + pizza and soda + travel to freakin' King of Prussia Mall = wait a minute, I thought it was the job of the host to, you know, host the party!